Thursday, August 25, 2005
have you ever
have you ever sat down alone somewhere and start thinking about what happened in the past, irregardless of happy or sad memories? i always do. and unfortunately i always think about the unhappy times. i dont know why.
i can forgive but i definitely wouldnt forget. if i dont remember wrongly, i read somewhere in Tuesdays with Morrie that we should forgive but not forget. and my inference: by remembering, we learn from it. memories are not meant to be forgotten. cuz that's the point in having memories. memories are meant to be remembered.
during your saddest moment, it is the wonderful memories that make you fall apart. fall harder. cuz you realise your happiness has disappeared. and no. you should not refrain from crying. you should put yourself wholly into it and shed all the tears you have and experience the pain you should feel. and the aftermath? you feel great.
it's easier said than done. there's always ego. and i think i have lots of it. i translate sadness to anger. and i blame the one who hurt me. but humans are weird. i think i am weird. the more
you hurt me. the nicer i treat
you. i believe the guilt will overcome
you and wake
you up. it feels much worse than having one telling
you off. cuz you will feel right when you're blamed for your mistake. the same goes to saying sorry. i dont accept apologies totally. especially from
you. sorry is to make YOU feel better. not ME. (*double standards. cuz i say sorry to people too)
i'm sorry. but the past incidents haunt me till today. and when i think back. i still feel the pain. it's so fresh it's as though it just happened. but if i'm challenged with the same things again. i am stronger. i cant say i know how to handle. but i definitely wouldnt break down in front of them (no! should be 'it's. cuz they are not worth to be called living things. so no 'them') and i wouldnt feel threatened. not a single bit. all their names coincidentally start with 'S'. (sluts? woo. i am
still bitter about it. i dont see why i shouldnt) and things all happened when i'm working with this company whose name starts with 'S' too.
oh wait. there's one whose name starts with 'M'. MT to be exact.dont get me wrong. my r'ship isnt on the rocks. i just wanted to share my thinking. whether you like it or not. this is what i THINK. and if any of you S's (asses?) read this. oh wow thanks for trying to be third parties. you never succeeded. and please dont insult me. cuz i'm worth more than you. our r'ship is more than the 3seconds sweetie moments you gave.
p.s. no offence to friends whose names also start with 'S'. you know you're my friends.
8:43 PM
